Amongst

Being HIV+, I've learned to accept many things, one of them being unconditional, superfluous amounts of support. I started my day off calling a hospital inquiring about support groups, and it led to meeting some of the most amazing people. Its wonderful how much support and care total strangers are capable of giving. In a time marred by terrorism, political truthiness (its a word, ask Stephen Colbert), and economic insanity I have lost so much faith in humanity; the innocence and purity that comes with being young fizzles out more and more everyday. Others coping with this virus, especially those who have been accustomed to never ending T-Cell counts and too many funerals, have helped me re-establish a belief in the human soul. I have been blessed to have so many individuals reach out to me with lingering support based on the fact that I am a young man with an unfortunate serostatus. With HIV- people, I always sense a copious amount of pity in their voice when they discuss this virus with me. HIV+ persons who have came into my life still have that same desperation to see me prosper, yet it lacks pity. It is much for faith filled. They have felt those pangs of unprecedented sadness; each one of us have felt this immense fear.

So tonight, as I ride home on BART from one of the most uplifting support groups (and one of the most uplifting days of my life), I want to take a second to thank every HIV positive person who has came into my life in the past 152 days that I have known about my status and given me something. Whether it be some sort of key piece of knowledge, a lasting statement intent on easing my burden, or a shoulder to cry on in a hard moment. It may have been a ride home because I was drunk again drowning my sorrows, or it could have been the verbal bitchslap I needed to wake up during a weak moment. You have all given, and given graciously. Whether or not you realized you did, I noticed. I hope one day I can repay you and help you in a time of need. We are all special, unique creatures that feel so many common emotions. To those of us in this battle, we are all the more unique in the fact we can find some pride and dignity in supporting each others. I care and love all of you so, so much. I could not be alive right now without the help you have given me. I have felt some of the most negative feelings because of this. I have wanted to, and tried to do myself in. Yet I am here, still, and I owe so much of it to you. While HIV is nothing to be proud of, it is nothing to be ashamed of. Take pride in the knowledge and power the virus has distilled upon you though, and the strength you have found in yourself to pass those things along to a once hopeless, newly diagnosed person: me.
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