Sick of it...

I'm sick of it.. I'm sick off the ball and chain I wear around my ankle.. I'm sick of this scarlet letter. I fucked up, I made a mistake.. But this one has consequences that will last longer than I ever thought. I've had this tattooed upon me, upon my immune system. I honestly don't know how I'm going to get through the rest of my life like this. No matter how many highly active anti-retroviral therapy medications I take, no matter how many wheat grass shots I take, no matter how many push ups I do, lonely nights I spend crying myself to sleep, this will always be a part of me. Once I lose health insurance next summer, things are only going to get so much more complicated. I wish I hadn't made the mistakes I made.. This is what regret feels like.