I FREAKING Love Daylight Savings Time

Let me start off by saying how happy I am that it no longer gets dark at 5pm any more!! Especially somewhere like Long Beach where the sun is always shining, now we can enjoy it even longer!!

So I haven't blogged in a few days. I know I know, but its been a crazy past few days. The other day I missed a dose of paxil. I don't know if you have been on it, but if you miss a dose, especially a high one like the one I'm taking (40mgs), you turn into a crazy person. I was at work and all of the sudden I got really panicky and couldn't focus, and I just felt completely weird. So it goes without saying that my shift was really bad.

After I got off work, I just felt like a mess. For some reason I was mad. Not a certain person, or a certain thing, I just had a flash if anger that lingered for a few hours. I came home and immediately got into it with my boyfriend. Its scary that all the emotions that come with accepting what has happened can really take a number on a relationship. I realized one of the reasons I was angry was because of Daniel. It hurt me that he hasn't done nearly as much in finding out more about HIV/AIDS. He is still so uneducated and unsure about the virus, and its my 5th week of knowing my status. I know he is a busy, busy boy but if anyone in my life got something horrible I would do everything possible to gain as much knowledge so I could try to better understand what that person is feeling.

I was also very mad at myself. I felt like I had plagued our relationship. I felt like I had taken this certain level of intimacy from us. But I can't blame myself. You can't waste your time playing the blame game in a dire situation. If I could take it back, I would. But I can't so I have to work with what I have.

I have a couple of my best friends from back home down here for a few days. That really helps because I've been feeling really lonely lately. They are my favorite people in the world. Being here less than 24 hours, they have been such an inspiration in keeping my mood up and keeping me laughing. It also makes me look forward to going home because life will be a lot easier and I will be WAY less lonely. I love all my friends down here, but everybody's so caught up in the LA rush and sometimes that gets very overwhelming.

Alrighty I'm gonna take a nap cuz I'm still beat from the crazy night we had in Hollywood. Check back tomorrow night I'll have more posted up!
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