Anxiety Nervosa

So I just got out of the weekly HIV+ support group that I go to, and for some reason I was very nervous during the meeting. I'm not sure why. Usually these weekly retreats reward me with information, life experiences, and new expectations. This week didn't fail to do that, but during the group I just had this feeling of nervousness. Maybe it's because I'm finally going to be getting my cell counts back in a couple weeks and it may seem more real then. I don't know. And I haven't gotten my Klonopin (anxiety medicine) refilled yet, so I wish I would have had one to take, but I got through it without going into a panic attack.

This group that I go to is so amazing for my well being. Although it ranges from people of all ages, all health statuses, people who have been living with HIV since it was called GRID (Gay Related Immune Deficiency), it always seems to have an upbeat atmosphere. We talk about grim things, near death experiences that some of the group has gone through, T-Cell counts of ZERO, yet at the same time it is an outlet for all of us. I think each person learns something everytime the group lets out; Whether it's something new about the virus, something about life, or something about being younger or older (as the group varies in age range).

Right now I can tell from blogging a lot of the anxiety that I was feeling is dissapating. It always helps me to write or talk to others, not just think inside my head. I think that's why I was feeling so anxious today. I was doing a lot of thinking about myself, and not listening to what everybody had to say today, and that made me nervous. Everytime I heard the word "PCP pneumonia", "nightsweats", "kaposi sarcoma" I just had some vision of me going through one of those eventually. And although that may never happen because of the advanced medicine they have, I still felt this uneasiness with not having my T-Cell count or viral load back yet.

Well I have to go see my therapist now, so I hope after that I will feel 100% back up again. Please visit my donations page everybody http://www.active.com/donate/aidswalklb09/NMorgan204

it's very important to me. And I'm almost a little down because it's had 20 visits, but only 2 donations. Maybe everyone is just not ready to donate yet, but please try to give whatever you can. Like I said, anything $5 and above is amazing. I want to give an extra special shout out to the one and only MOLLY WOOOOODS for donating 50 bucks last night. She is a starving college student, as most of us are, but Molly, thank you so much. I know I told you you would only hear this once, but God Bless. There you have it writing.