First of all, let me start off by saying that as of MARCH 1ST, 2009, Lifetime TV is now being boycotted by me, and I urge all of you to do the same! They freaking took the Golden Girls off! How do you take the Golden Girls off? And even worse, do you know who they replaced her with?? MORE EPISODES of that Red Headed Slut Reba MacenWhiteTrash. Like the world REALLY needs any more episodes of Reba....ugh sorry I just had to get that out!
Anyways, so L.A. (or Long Beach really) doesn't really seem like L.A. today. Yesterday was 85 and beautiful and sunny, and today is just gray. Not even raining. It never seems like that here. It's either nice and sunny out, or it's pouring down. It is barely ever just gray outside. I feel like I'm back in Tracy (where I will be back on the 26th!)
So I get my blood drawn finally tomorrow so I can get my T-Cell count and Viral load in two weeks and find out where I stand. I'll think that will create some grounding for myself because right now it's kind of all in the air. I think that's why my emotions are very up and down right now, is because I don't have anything concrete to work off of, just the fact that I know I am HIV+.
I have been having some fear though lately. I hope they don't want to put me on meds right away. That will make it all seem much more real, and I am scared of that. For the past few years, they haven't been putting people on meds until they get below 350 T-Cell count, but now they are finding it is more beneficiary to put people on meds sooner than that. When I found out I was positive, my first goal was to hopefully not need meds until I graduate college. But if that doesn't happen, then so be it, I know it's all for the best. It's just a fear that I have to overcome in the mean time.
Other than that, I don't have much to say today. I have a busy day tomorrow. Between going to see my shrink (Dr. HappyPills), meeting with my case manager, volunteering, and getting my blood drawn, I will have PLENTY to talk about :)
Please visit http://www.blogtv.com/people/spotu_tv to see the Tenacity For Teens. And my donation page is currently under construction so that will be out in a couple of days or a week. Alright have a goo done you guys, check back tomorrow!!!
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I can understand how starting treatment would be scary and make it all more real for you, but look at all the fear you've already overcome! Give yourself the credit you deserve. You are probably still in shock from the news, yet you are successfully dealing with this on many different levels. You said yourself that they're starting treatment sooner, so if they do give you meds that doesn't mean you aren't okay. Wait a second, why are we even having this discussion - since when do you NOT want meds!?!?!?!
ReplyDeleteOkay, let's talk about me and how completely giddy I am that you are gonna be in NorCal for a while. I CAN'T WAIT!!!! I have a "Countdown to Nick" on my phone (only 23 days till Nick)!!!!
love u :) hate dawn :(
H.
ya know what... you're gonna be ok.
ReplyDeleteI knew that the first time we met talking about resources that were available to you. Just wanted to let you know how impressed I am with all that you are doing (and plan to do) in the HIV community
just please.... take some time for you, some time to process, it's ok.
you don't have to be a warrior 24/7
I hope you have an awesome time with your family, nothing heals me more than a trip home
you have my contact info, and I'm here when ya need me
Hang in there- DW